SO the sorry in the title is for the fact that its been forever- but everyone who knows me would know that this blog would not be at all consistent, so… you know. 

The past few weeks have been quite tiring, with a lot of hmwk, and long classes and just a lot of things to do.  And my parents have visited a couple times which has been fun. I think they are kind of struggling with understanding missions and stuff, so you could pray peace for them if you want to.

But praise the Lord, His love endures forever.

We’ll be tired and stressed out at times on the mission field, so it’s good to be brought to the end of ourselves, just to find Jesus in all His strength and mercy.   Thats pretty much what happened this morning for me…

We have chapel every Wed from 9-10 am.  We usually have some praise and worship and a speaker.  Today we just had praise and worship.  After all this stuff the past few weeks, I’ve just internalized a lot and stressed out.  I’ve also been struggling with unbelief, like “why would these people believe the gospel? It’s such a bizarre story” and “what if I’m making this up, what if Jesus isnt listening or doesnt exist” and wanting to receive His love but feeling so far away.  Well today I was stressed, and late to chapel and just kinda feeling that lonely feeling you get when you try to carry all your pressure by yourself.  But when I sat down on the floor, and our leader finished praying, it all changed!

And the Lord was SO NEAR.  I mean I felt like I could touch Him.  He gave me a really clear image and feeling of crawling into the His lap, my perfectly loving Father, and Him just holding me while I cried and apologized for not letting Him help me, and received His love.  He told me my unbelief came from singing the songs and going throught the motions instead of just sitting with Him and talking with Him.  It feels really good to rest in Him.

So thats about the whole reason I’m blogging.  To encourage you to rest in Him, I mean completely.  One of my all time favorite quotes is from my friend Jason’s facebook profile- its really my heart cry regarding the Church as a whole and any ministry done for people- “Its absolutely imperative you know the Lord’s heart towards you”.  I mean for real, if you haven’t learned that at least 1/2 of praying is sitting in quiet and listening to what HE has to say to you, then you’re missing a big part of Christianity.  We can’t do this without His encouragement and really understanding that His heart towards us is SO good and pure and not critical or judging, not easily angered.  We HAVE to know His love towards us, and not just have a head knowledge, but to actively receive it and be comfortable saying it back to Him.  “You love me.  You took all of my sin, all of my disorganized, lazy, prideful, messy self a long time ago, and I dont have to bear it.”  Please take time today to sit in mental quiet and stillness and receive what He is WANTING to tell you.  I really feel like the majority of our spiritual weariness and inconsistency stems from not really knowing His heart towards us.  Please be positively sure of what your identity is in Him and how He sees you.

On another note, I’m in need of financial support, so if you want to help me you can pray that this would get met by Sept 30th.  Or if you feel led to give- even like $10, then send it to:

Heart of God Ministries

3720 S Hiwassee RD

Choctaw OK 73020                                   

And if you happen to write a check, leave my name off of it (for a tax refund,) and just put it on a sticky note in the envelope. 

Anyways, thats what’s going on with me right now, at least a little of it.  Thanks for reading all of this, it actually felt really good to blog tonight.  Have a great week,  and seek Jesus.

Prophecy- this person desires to proclaim the truth of God

Teaching- desires to clarify the truth of God

Serving- desires to meet people’s practical needs

Mercy- desires to meet emotional needs

Exhorting- desires to get at the root of sin and encourage people to live in freedom from sin

Giving- desires to entrust assets and invest financially in others (These people are usually blessed by the Lord financially, but live modestly so to maximize their investments in the Body.)

Organizing- desires to coordinate the effort and resources of people to reach a comon goal.

All of these gifts are supernaturally empowered, and given at the point of salvation (choosing to turn from sin and love and follow Jesus with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength).  It took me a couple days to figure out mine, which is mercy, but after that revelation, I felt a new sense of purpose in the church, and a better understanding of myself. 

The past year or so the Lord opened my eyes to how important our hearts and emotions are to Him, how He created us just to be in fellowship with Him.  We often think He’s some righteous disciplinarian who is just watching to make sure we don’t screw up and make Him look bad, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.  He has the heart of a PERFECT Father, who is so quick to rejoice in just our thoughts of Him.  He is after our hearts, and we obey Him to show that we love and trust Him, not to earn His love.  (Sorry, rabbit trail!)  So the Lord showed me His emotional heart of a lover and a father, I think, to grow me in my motivational gift of mercy- to make me more sensitive and comprehending of the emotional needs of others.  It was just a really sweet couple days of figuring out who I was in Christ and why He’s taught me the things He has, and made me think and work the way I do. 

So I just want to encourage my fellow brothers and sisters to do the same thing- ask the Lord how He desires you to work in His Body.  Cuz its really tight to realize who well He puts us together and to better understand some of His purposes in doing the things He does with us.

So this week we do love languages and personalities.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

M-F my schedule goes:

630-7am “Family Devotionals” (us campers get together to pray or meditate on scripture or whatever the Lord leads)

705-8 Physical Training (it kinda kicks my butt)

8-10am breakfast, shower and JESUS time!

10-12 class (this class is generally more about cross cultural things, theology of missions, prayer, spiritual warfare, spiritual giftings, etc.)

12-1pm lunch

1-2pm chores (I clean the guest room and bathroom)

2-3pm free time (except mondays- then my team goes out for outreach projects)

3-5 class again (this one is more about intimacy w/ Jesus, learning to hear His voice, worship, journaling, etc)

5-6 practicum for the things we learn in this class

630pm dinner

Then we’re free for the night.  Most of us hang out and read (we’re usually assigned a book a week for the topics we’re discussing in class), then hit the sack about 1030 or 11.

Saturday and Sunday are much more relaxed.  Saturday morning we have a group meeting and discuss what we’ve been learning the past week, then sometimes a class in the morning.  We have leftovers for lunch, then we’re free pretty much until Monday morning starts the craziness again.

I’ve been going to a very small Baptist church down here with a few other people from Boot Camp.  It’s really cute, with lots of old people, but the pastor is young, and seems to be a really gifted evangelist.  We were all looking for a good place to serve when the Lord gave us this church, and I think it’s been really refreshing for both us the younger kids, and the other members of the church.

So I’l post this one, and start a hopefully shorter post about what the Lord has just taught me this past week/ couple days.